by Henry Kautz
If your thesis is utterly vacuous
Employ first-order predicate calculus.
With sufficient formality
The sheerist banality
Will be hailed by the critics: "Miraculous!"
If your thesis is quite indefensible
Reach for semantics intensional.
Your committee will stammer
Over Montague grammer
Not admitting it's incomprehensible.
If you're dull as a napkin, don't sigh;
Make your name as a "deep" sort of guy.
You just have to crib, see,
Any old book by Kripke
And publish in AAAI.
A hacker who studied ontology
Was famed for his sense of frivolity.
When his program inferred
That Clyde ISA Bird
He blamed, not his code, but zoology.